Your Sexuality/Coming out

Coming out to the world is not an easy task, and neither is admitting it to yourself.  Making the decision to come out can be scary and stressful. This is a very different experience for everyone.

Nobody knows for sure why some people are gay/lesbian or bi-sexual and some people are not. Lots of theories have been put forward ranging from genetic differences to overbearing parents. The evidence so far suggests that random genetic factors play a part in determining our sexuality in the same way they play a part in determining, for example, left-handedness.

One thing we do know is that no-one chooses their sexuality. Some gay people knew they were different, if not gay, from as young as five or six. It is said that, for some, sexuality is determined by the age of 12 or 13 and probably 16 at the latest. By and large, society tends to assume that everyone is, or wants to be, heterosexual. This is known as heterosexism. Some people continue to believe that it is a choice and that we can be persuaded into heterosexuality. By assuming heterosexuality, society gives rise to the dilemma, for those who know they are gay, of whether to hide their sexuality or to come out - with all that this entails.

Acknowledging that you are gay can take many years. Some probably hoped these feelings were "just a phase". In time, the realisation that these feelings are not just a phase and to find a way of accepting them and dealing with the fact that you are sexually attracted to members of your own sex. This realisation is the first stage of coming out. There is no hard and fast rule when this point is reached. For some it happens in their teens, for others it may happen much later in life.
Telling other people can be a nerve racking time - the fear of rejection is likely to be immense. Bear in mind that there are many ways to tell someone that you are gay.

Together we can discuss all the issues that you may face coming out to yourself and to the world, who you tell, how you tell people, and getting prepared for good and bad reactions.  Building the confidence to get out there to meet like minded people, dealing with matters at your work, learning to be comfortable and ok with you.

Coping with Divorce - Starting again

When we lose our most important relationship (or had lost it years before), it can crush us with depression. It can flood us with anger. It can overwhelm us with scary changes and decisions, new responsibilities, economic hardships, questions about "What do I want to do?" and so on. The "leaver" or rejecter is sometimes less stressed than the "leavee" but that isn't always true. Moving on and starting again is not an easy task.  Here we can recognise the difficulties, identify better communication to help ease some of the pain and rediscover our true self. How to communicate to ensure children are given the best support and understanding.

When you leave a relationship, it is very tempting to fill it with a new relationship. Filing gaps for the wrong reasons can make the situation even worse. Being single and being able to live with yourself without feeling lonely can take some time and a lot of soul searching. However, it is important to discover the positives of single life and being happy with yourself. Together we can make the ‘single’ task a good experience and discover the real you to get out there in the world again.

When you are ready to find a new relationship, it can be hard being out there in the single market again.  Being out in the world on your own again, is not always easy to cope with. Where to go to meet new like-minded friends, and other single people can be daunting on your own. As your coach we can together find ways to ease you back out there so you are comfortable with communicating, comfortable with approaching people, comfortable with how you present yourself to find the right partner you want, make small talk with strangers and make it a fun experience.

Listening

Throughout this page I have discussed the importance of communication, whether in your personal life or in your business life.  To be able to communicate on a level that you never thought possible, ignites the human mind.  This sort of communication relies on the quality of listening and attention we give others, the quality of thinking we allow others to have and our ability to not take over their ideas and thoughts by fixing the problem and overwhelming the other person by imposing our own solutions and values.   Businesses, relationships, families, friends will become enriched by introducing a thinking environment. Good ideas can flourish, action can follow and people can blossom. When we do communicate it is vital to remember, the meaning of your communication is the response you get. In other words, how you communicate with someone determines the response you will get. 

By encompassing NLP and the systems of a thinking environment, together we can transform your relationships and improve your communication skills.